Steelers vs. Packers, Week 4: Bold and Bizarre predictions for Steelers vs. Packers

The Steelers are back on the road and looking to even their 2021 record at 2-2, but there are still so many questions to be answered. With inquiries, story lines, and more, I’ve compiled a list of predictions (some basic, and some utterly idiotic) to look for in this opening contest.

Last week, I came close, but ultimately whiffed on most of my predictions. Let’s see if I can rebound this week.

• Boujee Smith-Schuster, not fully understanding that Green Bay being the Toilet Paper Capitol of the World does not mean that the town in Wisconsin encourages “tp-ing” the trees in people’s front yard. To make matters worse, the house that Boujee “redecorates” with a case of Charmin belongs to the mayor of Green Bay, Eric Genrich. JuJu’s pooch posts bail midway through the third quarter.
• Ben Roethlisberger is only sacked twice on the afternoon, but No. 7 throws for 290 yards and three scores against one pick.
• One of those scores is hauled-in by James Washington, who along with JuJu Smith-Schuster recreates the “Hans, Bubie” scene from Die Hard between Hans Graber and Ellis in honor of Hart Bochner’s 68th birthday. Buchner played the smarmy, coke-addicted co-worker of Holly Gennaro. In the author’s mind, the greatest scene in that movie. Long live Bochner, who has survived much longer than the character that made him semi-famous.
• Pat Freiermuth gets his second touchdown reception of his career.
• Former Steelers OC Randy Fichtner, watching the game at home, channels his inner-Elvis and shoots out his television screen upon seeing Matt Canada. Elvis allegedly did this in the late 60s/early 70s upon seeing Robert Goulet on his RCA and shouting, “That jerk’s got no heart. That will be enough of that sh**!”. Randyland would yell the same thing mimicking “The King”, once again proving his unoriginality.
• Percy Harvin III booms two punts for 50+ Yards, nails two inside the twenty and throws his first NFL completed pass on a fake.
• Najee Harris has his first 100-yard game rushing, 80-yards receiving and scores a rushing touchdown.
• Minkah Fitzpatrick gets a near pick-six of Aaron Rodgers, but is brought down inches short of the goal line.
• T.J. Watt doesn’t get a sack in his return home to Wisconsin, but he sure makes an impact by forcing a fumble and intercepting a pass. The Steelers do manage three sacks on the day though recorded by Cam Heyward, Melvin Ingram III and Cam Sutton.
• Chris Boswell goes two-for-two on the day, as it pertains to field goals. His 48-yarder with three seconds left to give the Steelers the victory and foil those millions who took Green Bay and gave the points.

Will any of this actually happen? I’ll bet at least one or two. Heck, maybe every one of them. Be sure to post your predictions — basic or bizarre — below.