I missed the entire Steelers vs. Titans game Sunday and still survived

I was you this past Sunday when the Steelers took on the Titans at Heinz Field in a matchup that was very crucial to Pittsburgh’s playoff prospects.

When I say “you,” I’m referring to that brand of Steelers fan that doesn’t live in Pittsburgh, perhaps has never been to Pittsburgh and when he/she does visit, only goes to Primanti Bros., the parking lot of Heinz Field, Heinz Field and then to Pittsburgh International Airport on the way back out of town.

Anyway, what I’m saying is I was like that out-of-town Steelers fan that’s always complaining about not getting to see her/his favorite professional football team play because the Minneapolis/St. Paul television market would rather televise the Vikings game than the one involving some football team from Pittsburgh.

Why was I like that brand of Steelers fan? I had to work all damn day at my new job, that’s why. You see, I’m now a {redacted} for the {redacted} and had to play Santa Claus for 11-hours straight as I delivered presents to families all around my assigned region (actually, I was in training, so I was more like an elf, but the sentiment remains the same).

I thought I might get done riding Santa’s sleigh early in the fourth quarter, right after Pittsburgh’s defense began to create one turnover after another—turnovers that the offense wanted nothing to do with in terms of parlaying them into actual touchdowns—but I was wrong. Why? Because other elves needed our help—my trainer and me—and we had to go deliver their presents to good little boys and girls all around their assigned regions.

What’s my point to all of this madness of an article? Only that I missed every single second of the game but was nonetheless totally satisfied when my trainer (a senior elf), viewing the action on his smartphone, screamed “YEAH!” as he watched cornerback Joe Haden, returning from a long absence with a foot sprain, totally stuff a Titans receiver on fourth and six with mere seconds left and Tennessee in close range for a game-winning score. (By the way, what the bleep was up with that spot?)

That’s how we native Pittsburghers do it. We don’t complain about missing a whole game; we just want a win. We realize the Steelers will still be there next week, and if they’re not there next week, they’ll be there next season.

The Steelers are in our blood.

Anyway, enough of my entitlement. Next up, let’s talk about my talent. I’m so darn talented as a writer, I’ve managed to produce four articles about the Steelers 19-13 win over Tennessee at Heinz Field last week, even though I didn’t see a second of it live (YouTube is a helluva streaming service).

What’s that say about me? It says that, as I alluded to already, I'm incredibly talented and creative. True, one of the four articles was about how I didn’t get to see any of the game, which, let’s face it, offered you zero insight and real analysis about said game, but this article is entertaining, right?

It is, even if you don’t think so.

It’s Christmas Eve as I’m writing this article, and with that in mind, you should be thankful for my gift of creativity. After all, it’s given you so much in 2021.

And if you don’t want to be thankful for that, be thankful for this: It’s the holiday season.

Merry Christmas, Steeler Nation!