Steelers vs. Vikings, Week 14: Bold and Bizarre predictions for Steelers at Vikings

Previously, winless in three games and the loser of two straight, the Steelers stunned the Ravens 20-19 to re-jump start their 2021 season. A win in Minnesota would keep the black and gold on track. Of course, there are many questions to be answered. With inquiries, story lines, and more...I’ve compiled a list of predictions (some basic, and some utterly idiotic) to look for in this opening contest.

Last week, I came close, but ultimately whiffed on most of my predictions. Let’s see if I can rebound this week.

• A huge Purple Rain fan, Boujee Smith-Schuster finds himself shocked and chagrined that Prince Rogers Nelson is not enshrined in the Vikings’ Ring of Honor. In protest, JuJu’s pooch spray paints His Royal Badness’ famed symbol in the middle of the field during warmups. Boujee posts bail in the third quarter.
• Ben Roethlisberger is sacked one time on the evening and throws for 270 yards and two scores. Big Ben goes pickless as well.
• Pat Freiermuth nabs 8 balls and one of those from Ben for a touchdown and proceeds to stand the ball up with a Terrible Towel and decorates it beautifully in tribute to the 56th anniversary of ”A Charlie Brown Christmas” becoming the first Peanuts animated special to air in the U.S.
• Pressley Harvin III’s “Crank-and-Shank” Tour ‘21 continues as he places two kicks inside-the-20 and a 33-yard shank that goes back in time 33 years and knocks over the mascot in “Bull Durham”.
• Christopher Lynn Boswell is perfect on the night with two field goals and three extra points.
• Najee Harris gains 102 yards on the ground and 30 as a receiver out of the backfield and scores a touchdown.
• Terrell Edmunds and Minkah Fitzpatrick pick off Kirk Cousins.
• Danielle Hunter is almost invisible in the game, but then again he’s been on Injured Reserve.
• T.J. Watt gets 2.5 more sacks to break the Steelers’ official record of 16 and the unofficial record of 17.5 held by Gene “Big Daddy” Lipscomb.
• Justin Jefferson goes off on the Steelers secondary for two scores and over 130 yards on the night.
• Both defenses give up plenty of points, but the visitors can’t keep up. Steelers fall to the Vikings 31-27.
• Former Steelers OC Randy Fichtner, having traveled to the Twin Cities on his own dime, leaves the state feeling that Minnesota has an epidemic of smokeless tobacco use. The theory arises due to the entire stadium constantly chanting “SKOL!”.

Will any of this actually happen? I’ll bet at least one or two. Heck, maybe every one of them. Be sure to post your predictions — basic or bizarre — below.

Will any of this actually happen? I’ll bet at least one or two. Heck, maybe every one of them. Be sure to post your predictions — basic or bizarre — below.