17 Steelers predictions for once NFL free agency begins on Wednesday

The unrestricted free-agency phase of the NFL offseason is almost upon us. Like most years, it figures to be either an underwhelming (best-case scenario) or frustrating (likely scenario) first week for the salary-cap compromised Steelers and their fans. Below are 17 Steelers-related things I predict will happen (in no particular order) once the clock strikes 4 p.m. on Wednesday.

1. Moments after NFL players are free to shop their services to the highest bidder, the Steelers will post a social-media picture of punter Jordan Berry signing a three-year, $1.5 million deal.
2. Two hours before free agency is set to commence, Colin Cowherd, along with many, many other national pundits, will declare the Ravens free-agent winners and Super Bowl favorites for 2021. Of course, these declarations will happen before the Ravens officially sign anyone, but since the pundits had planned on doing this no matter what, they figured they’d just go ahead and get it out of the way early.
3. The Steelers will agree to a deal with running back Le’Veon Bell and immediately name him the starter for the 2021 season.
4. Bell’s contract will include lots of guaranteed money and a few voidable years. Team president Art Rooney II will hold a press conference and say that the decision to bring back Bell was motivated by the regret the organization always had for allowing Rod Woodson to walk away in 1997. “Hopefully, all this guaranteed money will make the football gods happy,” Art II will say.
5. The Steelers will name Bell a pre-retirement inductee into their 2021 Hall of Honor Class.
6. Hours after returning to Pittsburgh, Bell will drop his latest rap song titled: “Salary Cap Hell.”
7. Hours after that, Bell will fail yet another drug test when a combination of Centrum Silver and Bud Light Seltzer Mango is found in his system.
8. Distraught over the Steelers' early free-agent activity, Pittsburgh native and huge fan, actor Billy Gardell, will insist that the name of his new CBS sitcom, Bob Hearts Abishola, be changed to It’s Complicated.
9. Instead of attending the Pro Days of the top running backs and/or offensive linemen in the upcoming 2021 NFL Draft, Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin will be spotted at an Applebee’s with the sixth-best cornerback prospect.
10. Looking to add a veteran to the receiver room, the Steelers will ink Johnny Holton to a one-year contract.
11. There will an accompanying hype video ( of what is uncertain).
12. Veteran Steelers.com writer, Bob Labriola, will then pen an article about the time Holton upped his diva quotient when it took them a little too long to serve him at an area Primanti Brothers back in 2019.
13. By Day 3 of the Steelers’ free-agent “frenzy,” Behind the Steel Curtain co-editor, Jeff Hartman, will ask posters to please refrain from commenting for a few days in an effort to “Flatten the curve.” Nobody will really know what this means, but it will actually work for a few hours.
14. That is until word gets out that the Patriots traded their 2024 fourth-round pick to Houston in exchange for quarterback Deshaun Watson. Despite Watson’s rather lucrative deal, the Patriots will actually gain cap space after convincing Watson to sign a new contract that includes 51 voidable years through 2073.
15. Heads will explode all over the country when SB Nation decides to remove its gif function.
16. I will be forced to use the “ignore” feature on dozens of BTSC readers after the Steelers sign Sean Davis to a two-year contract for above-market value.
17. Hours later, Davis will also be named as a pre-retirement member of the Steelers 2021 Hall of Honor Class.