I will not fight anyone over the Pittsburgh Steelers in 2021

I love watching college football, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it last year.

Why? A lack of full stadiums. I mean, unlike the NFL, a league that is still pretty darn entertaining to watch without a single person in the stands—at least that’s how I felt last year as I witnessed Pittsburgh accrue a 12-4 mark—college football just isn’t the same without those packed stadiums.

The pageantry. The bands. The mascots. The 20-somethings standing in disbelief with their hands on their heads trying to process the fact that their favorite team just lost in a heartbreaking fashion.

I never realized just how much I missed all of it until this past Labor Day Weekend when I did nothing but watch countless football games that were played in stadiums full of spectators.

However, the one thing I never miss is seeing fans fighting in the stands, something I didn’t have to witness all that much last year. Unfortunately, full stadiums increase the chances for fights to break out among fans of opposing teams and even fans of the same team.

And if my Twitter feed was any indication, there were plenty of fights in college football stadiums all across the country last weekend—including some North Carolina fan who thought it was wise to charge the entire Virginia Tech student body.

Of course, fighting in the stands at any sporting event isn’t uncommon. It’s certainly a huge part of the NFL fan experience. That’s right, if you’re not involved in a fight while attending a professional football game, it’s not unusual for you to be in close proximity to one. In fact, a huge brawl broke out in the stands during the Steelers dress rehearsal preseason game against the Lions at Heinz Field a couple of weeks ago.

This may come as a shock to you, but that certainly wasn’t out of the ordinary for a Steelers game at Heinz Field.

Speaking of shocking, you may be floored to find out that I’ve never been in a fight at a football game. I don’t think I’ve ever been with anyone who has, either. I guess I just don’t want to engage in such activities over a football team that doesn’t even know I exist (well, unless one of the players, coaches, executives or owners is reading this article—if so, hi).

I’ve never felt the urge to punch someone over their opinion about the offensive coordinator. I’ve never felt the need to show those Browns fans that my team is far superior to theirs. I’ve never wanted to defend the Terrible Towel with my fists (or, who am I kidding, my face).

Don’t even try to start trouble with me if you see me at Heinz Field this year. If you do, well, I’m going to tell on you. If I see you messing with someone else—even a Patriots fan—I’m going to turn into the biggest snitch in the world.

Would I try to defend someone physically? I guess it all depends, but probably not. Remember that one scene from the Seinfeld episode, the Chinese Restaurant, when George asks Jerry if he’ll back him up if things get to that point with the guy hogging the payphone, and Jerry says (in his classic and sarcastic Seinfeld way), “Yeah, I want to get into a rumble”? That’s my philosophy on fighting. Always has been. Always will be.

And while we’re at it, you can save your offers to meet me in some ring to fight over one of my articles you don’t agree with (this happens quite a bit—usually over fake mock drafts). I’m also not going to come and debate you anywhere.

I have no desire to do such things over a football team.

While we’re at it, if you pay me $1 million, I will gladly walk around in a Tom Brady jersey while using a Terrible Towel as a dishrag.

I love the Pittsburgh Steelers, but not enough to turn down my retirement fund.

I certainly don’t love them enough to get my face rearranged.

Go Steelers in 2021...but there are limits to how far I’m willing to go for them both physically and financially.