Steelers vs. Raiders, Week 2: Bold and Bizarre predictions for Raiders vs. Steelers

After an epic road win to open the season, the Steelers are back at home and looking to start 2021 at 2-0, but there are many questions to be answered. With inquiries, story lines, and more, I’ve compiled a list of predictions (some basic, and some utterly idiotic) to look for in this opening contest.

Last week, I came close, but ultimately whiffed on most of my predictions. Let’s see if I can rebound this week.

• Boujee Smith-Schuster gets arrested for theft and destruction of property in the Heinz Field tailgate lot when he spots a visiting Darth Raider, absconds with his lightsaber and chews it beyond recognition.
• In honor of his appearance two years back on HBO’s Hard Knocks, Raiders Coach Jon Gruden searches feverishly for a piece of wood so his players can knock two times if they indeed hear him.
• Without Josh Jacobs, Vegas struggles on the ground and gain a mere 45 yards on the ground.
• The Steelers’ fail to hold onto the football only once, as the defense intercepts Derek Carr three times with Minkah Fitzpatrick, Devin Bush and James Pierre all getting black-and-gold picks.
• Pressley Harvin III booms a punt for 60+ in his home debut and nails one to pin the Raiders’ offense inside the five.
• Ben Roethlisberger is sacked three times on the afternoon by Maxx Crosby, but No. 7 holds on to the ball and throws for 290 yards and three scores against one pick.
• Ben establishes even more of a rapport with his duo of tight ends. Eric Ebron catches six of Big Ben’s balls and makes a key grab late in the game to move the chains. but it’s Pat Freiermuth who finds the touchdown zone twice in front of his hometown crowd.
• On one of those TD grabs from Ben, Freiermuth joins in on a celebration orchestrated by JuJu Smith-Schuster as the Steelers receivers lift MUTHHHHHHHHH up and onto the crossbar and encourages the rookie to execute the same reverse somersault dive that Greg Louganis executed on this very day in the preliminaries of the 3-meter springboard competition in the 1988 Seoul Summer Olympics. Unlike the famed Gold Medalist, No. 87 was wearing a helmet and did not sustain a bloody concussion after bonking his head during the dive.
• Speaking of the tight ends, Darren Waller again sees more than 15 targets and catches 10 for 122 yards and two scores.
• Najee Harris gains 105 yards on the ground and 42 as a receiver out of the backfield and scores once on a reception in his Heinz Field debut.
• T.J. Watt does not get a sack on the day, but the sack streak stretches as Alex Highsmith, Melvin Ingram III, Chris Wormley and Cam Sutton all do.
• Former Steelers OC Randy Fichtner keeping tabs on his old team, eats a plate of fajitas (in honor of the Raiders almost originally being named the Oakland Senors) and proceeds to unbutton his pants and fall asleep during the second half. Randyland is rudely awoken by the manager of Applebees and the local fuzz and is asked to vacate the premises.
• The Steelers prevail in the home opener over the Raiders by a score of 27-23.

Will any of this actually happen? I’ll bet at least one or two. Heck, maybe every one of them. Be sure to post your predictions — basic or bizarre — below.