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Steelers vs. Bengals, Week 3: Bold and Bizarre predictions for Steelers vs. Bengals

Much to the chagrin of most, BTSC’s Nostradumbass predicts the Steelers’ matchup in Week 3 vs. Cincy.

Las Vegas Raiders v Pittsburgh Steelers Photo by Justin K. Aller/Getty Images

After a rough loss in the home opener, the Steelers are back at home and looking to start 2021 at 2-1, but there are many questions to be answered. With inquiries, story lines, and more, I’ve compiled a list of predictions, some basic, and some utterly idiotic, to look for in this opening contest.

Last week, I came close, but ultimately whiffed on most of my predictions. Let’s see if I can rebound this week.

  • Boujee Smith-Schuster, not wanting to be noticed after last week’s loss, wears a wig and a fake moustache during tailgating in the Heinz Field parking lot. It’s to no avail, though as drunken fans immediately notice JuJu’s dog. No. 19’s pooch gets annihilated on cheap hooch and gets arrested for humping the leg of a visiting “Crying Bengals Woman”. Boujee posts bail in the second half.
  • The streak of the Men of Steel not-scoring points on their first drive ends at 12.
  • The offensive line allows Ben Roethlisberger to be sacked two times on the afternoon and hit only six times. It’s a step in the right direction.
  • After last week’s poor performance by the offense, former Steelers OC Randy Fichtner, shows up to Heinz Field requesting a job application. Under position desired, Randyland writes “offensive coordinator, but will accept anything”. With that position already filled, Fichtner works concessions for Primanti Brothers for the day and shines due to the fact that the popular eatery only offers two sandwiches at the stadium.
  • Chris Boswell hits two field goals and three extra points, but the team fails on a two-point conversion,
  • The Steelers’ fail to hold on to the football twice and a the turnover streak extends to two.
  • Percy Harvin III booms a punt for 70+ and nails two inside the twenty and another inside the five.
  • Ben Roethlisberger has his best game of the young season and throws three touchdown passes. The scoring passes go to Pat Freiermuth, Najee Harris and another player.
  • JuJu Smith-Schuster is the other player catching a TD pass from Big Ben and celebrates the score by assembling his fellow receivers in a single-file line to commemorate the Beatle’s iconic Abbey Road album cover. The Fab Four’s 11th studio album was released on this day in 1969.
  • Najee Harris gains 68 yards on the ground and 60 as a receiver out of the backfield and scores twice, including his first rushing TD.
  • Joe Burrow puts up really good numbers, but gets knocked out in the third quarter. Brandon Allen comes in and throws a pick to Joe Haden and Terrell Edmunds. Haden takes his in for six.
  • Melvin Ingram III gets shut out early with both T.J. Watt and Alex Highsmith out injured, but gets a crucial late sack as the epic sack streak continues. It’s the only one of the day for the Steelers’ defense.
  • The Steelers give up a lot of points on defense, but the defense scores and an innovative Matt Canada offense finds a way to get into the end zone. The Steelers win 33-26.

Will any of this actually happen? I’ll bet at least one or two. Heck, maybe every one of them. Be sure to post your predictions — basic or bizarre — below.