The Steelers travel to Baltimore with the season on the line in the last 2021 regular season game, and there’s a lot to digest. With inquiries, story lines, and more, I’ve compiled a list of predictions (some basic, and some utterly idiotic) to look for in this challenging road contest.
Last week, I came close, but ultimately whiffed on most of my predictions. Let’s see if I can rebound this week.
- Boujee Smith-Schuster takes a stroll in the Inner Harbor of Baltimore with Mark Andrew’s dog, Fifi. Upon seeing bricks in the pavement celebrating the Ravens’ Super Bowl victories, Juju’s pooch pees on the brick and then rips it out of the ground and tosses it in the Harbor in an incident known as the “Baltimore Pee Party”. The French Bulldog doesn’t post bail until the Fourth Quarter.
- Former Steelers OC Randy Fichtner, worried about young Steelers bragging about going out and getting crabs in the Inner Harbor, sneaks in and stages an intervention. Randyland’s talk about the horrors of STDs, Old Bay and butter confuses the entire locker room.
- Ben Roethlisberger is sacked only once on the afternoon and throws for 170 yards and no interceptions.
- The author of this piece complains about how the stupid fans in Baltimore ruined a really good song by the White Stripes, “Seven Nation Army”.
- Zach Gentry and Pat Freiermuth combine for 13 catches on the afternoon.
- Christopher Lynn Boswell is perfect on the afternoon with three field goals including a 58-yarder.
- Najee Harris gains 109 yards on the ground and 30 as a receiver out of the backfield and scores the Steelers lone touchdown.
- After Najee’s touchdown, No. 22 whips out an iPhone 2G to call his mom to celebrate and commemorate this day in 2007 when Apple CEO Steve Jobs unveiled a cell phone he dubbed “revolutionary and magical.” Unfortunately the plastic screen dented on Najee and because of poor service, Harris had to switch the first generation phone, like Jobs had to do, a number of times.
- Minkah Fitzpatrick, Terrell Edmunds and Ahkello Witherspoon all pick off Tyler Huntley.
- T.J. Watt and the Steelers can’t replicate the nine sacks of Baker Mayfield six days before, but they get four. T.J’s two takedowns of Huntley leaves No. 90 at 23.5, breaking the official record of Michael Strahan (22.5 in 2001) and the unofficial mark set by Al “Bubba” Baker (23 in 1978).
- Not a lot of points come out of this contest, but the Steelers earn the right to pray for a miracle with a 16-13 win. However, the Jaguars can’t answer prayers and the Steelers season ends.
Will any of this actually happen? I’ll bet at least one or two. Heck, maybe every one of them. Be sure to post your predictions — basic or bizarre — below.