clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Steelers vs. Dolphins, Week 7: Bold and Bizarre predictions for Steelers vs. Miami

Much to the chagrin of most, BTSC’s Nostradumbass predicts the Steelers’ matchup vs. the Miami Dolphins

Detroit Lions v Pittsburgh Steelers Photo by Joe Sargent/Getty Images

The Pittsburgh Steelers could win their second game in a row when they travel to Miami to take on very dangerous Dolphins team and a returning Tua, but there is definite excitement in the Steel City due to the win last week against Tampa. With inquiries, story lines, and more, I’ve compiled a list of predictions (some basic, and some utterly idiotic) to look for in this challenging home contest.

For those new to the article I sometimes come close, but ultimately whiff on most of my predictions. Let’s see if I can get lucky this week.

  • The Steelers need to call security as Miami’s own Antonio Brown attempts to “Jedi Mind Trick” the entire football world and shows up in full Steelers uniform ready to play. In the meantime, Will Smith shows up and slaps AB for trying to steal his Men in Black “memory-erasing device” bit.
  • Just business as usual for Brian Flores, just different-colored hoodie, or polo, or raincoat.
  • Art Rooney II corners Steven Ross (fresh off suspension) and reminds the Dolphins owner that he recently tried to poach Steelers OC Matt Canada and offers him up in exchange for a bushel of Joe’s Stone Crab.
  • With Kansas City playing earlier in the afternoon, Boujee Smith-Schuster flies in on a private jet to make an appearance at halftime and hump the legs of the Dolphins’ 50th Anniversary Super Bowl team. Boujee is waiting extradition back to KC.
  • Ben Roethlisberger calls his own press conference to remind Kenny Pickett that he once won in Miami playing in the eye of a hurricane, and once played so ‘heroically’ that Lawrence Timmons was so moved that he couldn’t contain his emotions and threw up on the field.
  • Known for his chugging ability, Mitch Trubisky attempts to down an entire bushel of Joe’s Stone Crabs. Mitch for some reason is a late scratch.
  • Mason Rudolph, thinking that Madonna still maintains residence in Miami, is crestfallen to learn that the legendary songstress now resides in Lisbon, Portugal. Make is forced to cancel his reservations to Joe’s Stone Crabs and give the 10-pound heart shaped candy box to James Daniels.
  • Pickett goes 24 for 38 and 280 yards. The Steelers new QB1 throws two touchdowns, runs for one, but is intercepted twice.
  • Jaylen Warren gets his first NFL score on a pass play.
  • Diontae Johnson and Connor Heyward both catch touchdown passes.
  • The Steelers get called for “illegal man down field” just once.
  • Najee Harris gains 40 yards on the ground and 0 as a receiver out of the backfield.
  • The offensive line continues their improvement, and James Daniels becomes the enforcer on the offense and dares anybody to come near his quarterback.
  • The Steelers get two sacks, one by Alex Highsmith and the other by Chris Wormley.
  • Cam Sutton and Minkah Fitzpatrick pick off Tua, but the Steelers defense surrenders three touchdown passes.
  • The Steelers rushing defense plays staunch for a second week in a row.
  • The Steelers get three touchdowns on the day, and a field goal from Chris Boswell. But only because I’m delusional enough to think that I have the ability to jinx the game, I’ll go Dolphins 27, Steelers 24. but same score, opposite teams is what I’m really thinking.

Will any of this actually happen? I’ll bet at least one or two. Heck, maybe every one of them. Be sure to post your predictions — basic or bizarre — below.