The Pittsburgh Steelers, in somewhat shambles, could slide deeper down the well with a loss against Super Bowl favorite Buffalo Bills. But there is definite excitement in the Steel City due to one Kenneth Shane Pickett. With inquiries, story lines, and more, I’ve compiled a list of predictions (some basic, and some utterly idiotic) to look for in this challenging home contest.
For those new to the article I sometimes come close, but ultimately whiff on most of my predictions. Let’s see if I can get lucky this week.
- Since Kansas City doesn’t play until Monday Night, Boujee Smith-Schuster makes an appearance in the parking lot to party with crazed Bills fans. To the delight of the crowd, he JuJu’s pooch attempts to pee on a cardboard cutout of Scott Norwood, but it goes wide right.
- Ben Roethlisberger calls his own press conference to remind Kenny Pickett that he had to make his first start in the face of a hurricane, while Kenny only has to play in the city that invented Buffalo Wings. He then proceeds to go eat a bucket of wings.
- Known for his chugging ability, Mitch Trubisky attempts to down an entire gallon of Anchor Bar wing sauce, a change of jersey and underwear would be necessary, but No. 10 declines. Members of Bills Mafia donate $47,000 to get Mitch a new pair of Hanes.
- Mason Rudolph makes waves as Buffalo tabloids leak his new relationship, three college girls that he rescued from getting body slammed off of a RV into a flaming, 8-foot table by a member of Bills Mafia in the parking lot.
- Pickett goes 22 for 30 and 190 yards. The Steelers new QB1 throws two touchdowns, runs for one, and is intercepted once. There’s only one chant of “Mitch”, and that’s by Mitch.
- Jaylen Warren gets his first NFL score on a pass play from KP8.
- Pat Freiermuth leads the team with 8 catches on the day, including a touchdown pass on the day. To celebrate, No. 88, Zach Gentry, Chase Claypool, and Diontae Johnson form a straight line and walk across the end zone in unison to create an “Abbey Road” moment from the album cover to commemorate what would have been the 82nd birthday of John Lennon.
- The Steelers get called for “illegal man down field” just twice.
- Najee Harris gains 79 yards on the ground and 21 as a receiver out of the backfield, as the offensive line continues their improvement.
- The Steelers get two sacks despite the absence of T.J. Watt. Larry Ogunjobi and Alex Highsmith get it done.
- Cam Sutton any Arthur Maulet pick off Josh Allen.
- The Steelers rushing defense holds their own, but with Josh Allen’s scrambling ability, the Bills gain over 100 yards on the ground.
- The Steelers get three touchdowns on the day and three field goals from Chris Boswell, including the game winner at the gun. Steelers triumph 30-28.
Will any of this actually happen? I’ll bet at least one or two. Heck, maybe every one of them. Be sure to post your predictions — basic or bizarre — below.