I don’t care if the timing of this article is terrible. In fact, I don’t give a hoot if Tyran Mathieu, the NFL safety formerly of the Cardinals, Texans and Chiefs, is having his introductory Steelers press conference right as this article is being published by Behind the Steel Curtain.
I just can’t stand that guy.
I don’t know, maybe because of all of the cryptic Tweets he’s put out there since landing on the free-agent market. You know what I mean? Stuff like “Time to go listen to some Renegade!” and “Honey Badgers love to chew on Styx!”
That’s Mathieu’s way of driving desirous Steelers fans wild, something that wasn’t hard to do once Pittsburgh's rather-active first week of free agency began to die down. No, it wasn’t enough to ink players like quarterback Mitch Trubisky, cornerback Levi Wallace, linebacker Myles Jack and offensive linemen James Daniels and Mason Cole to deals.
“Now, sign Mathieu!” was the cry not long after the deal with Jack was announced. Actually, they probably Tweeted “Sign the Honey Badger!” Mathieu’s nickname, and a lot easier to spell.
That’s how Steelers fans are, ya’ know? They’re never satisfied when you do something good for them. It’s like being in a relationship. The great times are quickly forgotten, while the bad things, “Let’s talk about the time you lost to Tim Tebow back in 2012!”, are never more than an argument away.
I’m not going to lie, I was a bit intrigued by the idea of Pittsburgh inking a deal with Mathieu, a dynamic play-making safety who has been named First-Team All-Pro twice during his nine-year career. But that intrigue quickly vanished in the blind rage that took over my soul after the 20th time I saw someone Tweet: “Today’s the day the Steelers will sign the Honey Badger!”
It’s makes you wonder, is this dude a really good defensive back, or did scientists combine the DNA of Ronnie Lott and Troy Polamalu and clone the perfect strong safety?
Speaking of strong safeties, what about Terrell Edmunds? He’s not bad. I mean, he’s no Honey Badger, but he’s five years younger and may actually be a lot cheaper. Maybe he’s not as cheap as the Steelers would like him to be, but he’s got to be a bargain compared to what Mathieu probably wants.
Oh yeah, and he played his first four seasons with the Steelers! He fits into the defense. He works well with Minkah Fitzpatrick. That has to be worth something, right? After all, every Batman (Fitzpatrick) needs a Robin (Edmunds).
Would someone nicknamed the Honey Badger be willing to play second fiddle at safety? Furthermore, would Mathieu be willing and able to cover tight ends, something Edmunds is quite good at?
You still don’t want Edmunds? If that’s the case, then I won’t blame him for any hard feelings he likely already has for Steelers fans. I think I forgave him of any future bad blood after the 77th time someone Tweeted a version of this: “If the Steelers sign the Honey Badger today, I’ll give $10 to every person who retweets this.”
In my zest to defend Edmunds and mock Steelers fans, I took to social media last Monday and Tweeted something that I thought would be funny (it was hilarious, in fact), but it caught on a little more than I’d hoped.
If the #Steelers re-sign Terrell Edmunds, I'll give everyone who retweets this a lap dance.— Tony Defeo (@Defeoman) March 22, 2022
Now, thanks to my endless wit, I’ll have to give 19 lap dances to Steelers fans if Pittsburgh re-signs Edmunds. But I’ll do it twice as many times if it means never having to hear about the Honey Badger ever again. In fact, if Mathieu is already a member of the Steelers by the time you’re reading this, just know that I’ll double whatever it is he is making just to get him to leave town.
And you, with your obsession with him, it was so obvious and sad that you were cat fished like three-dozen times by the same fraudulent person on Twitter who kept insisting Mathieu was about to be signed by the Steelers.
Talk about a thirst trap, I don’t know what that is, but other middle-aged men are saying it on social media, so I’m thinking it's hip.
You might be wondering if I’ll change my tune if/when Mathieu becomes a Steeler.
Don’t bet on it.
Although, I do admire his use of the cryptic Tweet. If Tyrann Mathieu continues to do that to Steelers fans, he might grow on me.