Steelers vs. Bengals, Week 1: Bold and Bizarre predictions for Steelers at Bengals

The Steelers travel to Cincinnati to kick off the 2022 regular season, and there’s a lot to digest. With inquiries, story lines, and more, I’ve compiled a list of predictions (some basic, and some utterly idiotic) to look for in this challenging road contest.

These are the first predictions of this new season, but for those new to the article I sometimes come close, but ultimately whiff on most of my predictions. Let’s see if I can get lucky this week.

• Owners Art Rooney II and Mike Brown get in a Twitter War over whose stadium name, Acrisure or Paycor, is more t-shirt worthy.
• Boujee Smith-Schuster Facetimes the team before the game with an inspirational message to rally the team. JuJu’s pooch ends it with a grand finale of humping a cardboard cutout of Vontaze Burfict.
• On a high of bravado after knocking out Adrian Peterson in a boxing match Saturday night, former Steelers RB Le’Veon Bell shows up at Paycor Stadium and challenges Crying Bengals Lady to an arm-wrestling match.
• Known for his chugging ability, Mitch Trubisky attempts to down a cup of Cincinnati-style chili, a change of jersey and underwear is necessary.
• Trubisky goes 23 for 38 and 230 yards. The new Steelers QB1 throws three touchdowns, but is intercepted twice.
• After Mitch’s first incompletion, Ben Roethlisberger emerges from the locker room and attempts to trot out to the huddle to take over. The Steelers call a timeout and convince Ben that Mitch can handle the job.
• Pat Freiermuth leads the team with 8 catches on the afternoon.
• Chase Claypool, on the receiving end of one of those Trubisky touchdown passes, leads the receivers in a trippy interpretive dance to the song Abracadabra by Steve Miller on the 40th anniversary of that song hitting No. 1.
• Najee Harris gains 72 yards on the ground and 30 as a receiver out of the backfield and scores the Steelers lone rushing touchdown, and one as a receiver.
• Minkah Fitzpatrick and Ahkello Witherspoon pick off Joe Burrow.
• T.J. Watt doesn’t feast on the Bengals offensive line, but does get a sack of Burrow, one of two for the Steelers on the afternoon.
• Plenty of points come out of this contest as the two teams combine for over 60. Christopher Lynn Boswell nails a 47-yarder with two minutes to go, and the defense holds the Bengals for a 31-30 win courtesy of Minkah’s pick.

Will any of this actually happen? I’ll bet at least one or two. Heck, maybe every one of them. Be sure to post your predictions — basic or bizarre — below.