The Pittsburgh Steelers, in somewhat disarray, travel to Cleveland for a prime time battle with the Cleveland Browns. With inquiries, story lines, and more, I’ve compiled a list of predictions (some basic, and some utterly idiotic) to look for in this challenging road contest.
For those new to the article I sometimes come close, but ultimately whiff on most of my predictions. Let’s see if I can get lucky this week.
- Art Rooney II, proving that he is a man of the black-and-gold people, travels to Cleveland and challenges Browns’ owner Jimmy Haslem to the famed Teenage Dirtbag Challenge on TikTok. The challenge features adults sharing photos of their bad haircuts, questionable clothing styles, and awkward poses. Haslem wins in a landslide.
- Since the Chiefs don’t play until Sunday in Indianapolis, Boujee Smith-Schuster surprises the team with an inspirational speech, challenges the Dawg Pound to a fight, and humps a cardboard cutout of Bernie Kosar.
- Known for his chugging ability, Mitch Trubisky attempts to down a quart of Melt Bar and Grilled’s famed sandwich the Parmageddon in smoothie form. The Parmageddon is a grilled cheese sandwich with potato pierogies, butterry sauteed onions and slaw. As always, a change of jersey and underwear is necessary.
- Trubisky goes 24 for 41 and 182 yards. The Steelers QB1 throws one touchdown, and is intercepted twice.
- Pat Freiermuth leads the team with 9 catches on the evening, including Mitch’s only touchdown pass on the day, To celebrate, No. 88 and his fellow tight ends Zach Gentry and Connor Heyward perform the perfect Charlie’s Angels pose to commemorate the 46th anniversary of the debut of the Aarron Spelling classic on ABC.
- Najee Harris gains 57 yards on the ground and 36 as a receiver out of the backfield, as the offensive line continues their improvement.
- The Steelers get three sacks on the evening despite the absence of T.J. Watt. Malik Reed, Larry Ogunjobi, and Alex Highsmith get it done.
- Minkah Fitzpatrick and Cam Sutton pick off Jacoby Brissett.
- The rushing defense can’t keep Nick Chubb and Kareem Hunt from running wild, surrendering over 150 yards on the ground.
- The Steelers get four field goals from Chris Boswell field goal and only one touchdown on the night, but unfortunately this also marks the 18th anniversary of the debut of another ABC series, Lost. The Steelers go down 26-19.
Will any of this actually happen? I’ll bet at least one or two. Heck, maybe every one of them. Be sure to post your predictions — basic or bizarre — below.