It is a day that will live in infamy.
What day is that, you ask? January 18, 2023, a date that will forever be known as the day Matt Canada (according to various sources that you may or may not have trusted depending on whether or not you liked the person) will return as the Steelers' offensive coordinator next season.
Anyway, I would offer my condolences. I’d even post one of those sad emojis on your Facebook page if I knew how to post one that wasn’t a “like.”
But it would be fitting if I did “like” your sad reaction to Canada’s return next season. Why? Because you deserve it.
Do you really deserve Canada and his Saturday offense? Do you really deserve 18.1 points per game? Do you really deserve a scheme that opposing defenses apparently make adjustments for in their sleep?
Yes, because you had it coming.
Remember when you couldn’t wait for Canada, who was hired to be the Steelers' quarterbacks coach in 2020, to replace Randy Fichtner as the offensive coordinator? Remember when you theorized that he was the secret offensive coordinator that year? Do you recall all of those Canada-inspired plays you devised on the whiteboard in your man cave? Do you remember how much you wanted to see those jet sweeps? Remember when Canada’s college resume was an asset?
“Hey, they all collaborate, right?” you asked rhetorically. “I think we’ll see Canada’s fingerprints all over this Steelers offense in 2020.”
How quickly did you want to wipe those fingerprints clean once Canada was named the offensive coordinator in place of Fichtner, a man whose schemes averaged 26 points per game in 2020?
The 26 points Fichtner averaged in 2020—better known as the year Steelers fans woke up each morning and asked, “Is Randy Fichtner fired yet?”—were .6 points more per game than Todd Haley’s unit averaged in 2017—better known as the year Steelers fans woke up each morning and asked, “Did Todd Haley just get into another fight with a mechanical bull?”
While not perfect, the Steelers’ offense functioned quite well during Haley’s tenure. In fact, you might say that it was downright potent. So what if Ben Roethlisberger often wanted to fistfight Haley? So what if the future Hall of Fame quarterback turned into Passive Aggressive Ben and hinted at retirement following the 2016 season?
You wanted Roethlisberger’s offensive coordinator to be a disciplinarian and not his golfing/vacation buddy? Fine.
This is what forced Bruce Arians, the Matt Canada of his day, to go into “retirement” following the 2011 campaign.
It didn’t matter that the Steelers went to two Super Bowls and won one of them during Arians’ tenure. You wanted him gone. Why? Because he was going to get Roethlisberger killed, that’s why! But was it Arians, or was it an offensive line that was so bad that Willie Colon was considered the good-looking one?
Moving on from offensive coordinators.
What about those times you called Bud Dupree a bust even though he managed to rack up 20 sacks in the years before he really put it together?
What about what you did to Terrell Edmunds? You spent the entire 2021 offseason hoping the Steelers would sign Malik Hooker to replace Edmunds. You then spent the entire 2022 offseason actually praying that Pittsburgh would sign someone named the Honey Badger to replace Edmunds. You kept spelling his name “Edmonds.” (You still do that, actually.)
Now, you want the Steelers to sign Edmunds to a long-term deal? To quote the movie, Major League: “He ain’t fooled.”
How about the fact that you continue to live in the past with regard to the 2021 NFL Draft?
You still want the Steelers to draft someone else besides Najee Harris in the first round. For that matter, you want them to select someone else besides Pat Freiermuth, a man you call “MUUUUTH!” every time he catches a pass, in the second round.
To reiterate: He ain’t fooled.
Let’s not forget what you did to JuJu Smith-Schuster, a breath of fresh air who you managed to polish into a turd simply because he liked to do things away from work that didn’t involve football learnin’.
And you booed Mason Rudolph during a preseason game.
Something like this was going to happen sooner or later, especially when you keep making it your mission in life to see a man get fired. And when an entire fanbase group thinks this to an annoying and alarming level, and when this was like the fourth time in a decade that you prayed to the football gods in the sky to be rid of an OC, you were bound to feel this wrath...the kind of wrath that smites thee with 18.1 points per game.
Finally, I’m not necessarily saying you deserve Matt Canada, but I probably am saying that.
Bad karma, bad karma, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when it comes for you?