The 2023 NFL league year is just days away, with free agency officially opening up on Wednesday. Before the legal tampering period begins, it is time to reveal my perfect offseason plan for the Pittsburgh Steelers in an exciting, but slightly satirical, form that will have you either laughing in the isles or floating away in fantasy land.

This article is sure to get feedback, most of which will be of the negative sort. As a disclaimer, this is not in any way based on what I am hearing from insiders and analysts, nor is it what I think the Steelers will actually do. This is my way of sharing everything I would do this offseason in one concise article and explaining how all of it is feasible.

This is also a basic, layman’s terms outlook. This will simply show contract totals, signing bonuses, and how much each contract will count against the cap each season, in order to make it fit this year’s cap.

Disclaimer 1: Unlike my mock drafts, this is an exercise showing what I would like to see done this offseason, not necessarily what I think will happen this offseason. This is just for fun, and I realize that the vast majority of these recommended moves will not happen.

Disclaimer 2: Not everyone is going to love these ideas, but that’s okay This is my own fantasy bubble, and there ain’t room for all y’all in it anyway!

Disclaimer 3: If you struggle with incontinuity, do not read this. I am the GM for the day, and the lack of continuity in the team-building below could cause major side-effects, such as trouble swallowing, vomiting, and endless crying for Kevin Colbert to return. Continuity my heinie!!!

This is going to be a straight-to-the-point synopsis, moving from one roster move to the next. So fasten your seatbelts, Steelers fans! Here is every move you should be praying the Steelers make this offseason.

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Current Cap Space

Approximately $9,900,000

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Bye-Bye

In this business, feelings have to take a back seat to money at times. Best wishes to Worms, Snail, Rudolph the Red-Zone QB, and all the other creatures who must be let back into the wild, but the time has come for new owners to watch over you. Enjoy retirement, Tyson! May your days be filled with people not named Antonio Brown, and may Jesse “Waste of $3M” Davis work his powers on the enemy and sign with the Ratbirds or Bungles!

Free Agency

Mason Rudolph
Cameron Sutton
Derek Watt
Jesse Davis
Tyson Alualu
Marcus Allen
Robert Spillane
Malik Reed
Chris Wormley
Damontae Kazee
Trenton Scott
Karl Joseph
Miles Boykin
Benny Snell, Jr.
James Pierre (RFA)
Zach Gentry

Roster Cuts

Myles Jack (cap savings: $8,000,000)
Ahkello Witherspoon (cap savings: $4,000,000)
Montravius Adams (cap savings: $2,500,000)
Gunner Olszewski (cap savings: $2,000,000)
Arthur Maulet (cap savings: $1,790,000)
Emeke Egbule (cap savings: $1,010,000)
J’Marcus Bradley (cap savings: $940,000)
Dan Chisena (cap savings: $940,000)
Kendrick Green (cap savings: $876,748)

Cap Space Created: $22,056,748
Updated Cap Space: $31,956,748

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Restructures

T.J. Watt (Full Restructure)

2023 Cap Savings: $12,613,333

Minkah Fitzpatrick (Full Restructure)

2023 Cap Savings: $10,065,000

Cap Space Created: $22,668,333
Updated Cap Space: $54,625081

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Welcome back!

• Re-sign Terrell Edmunds
  — 3 years, $21 million
  $9 million in signing bonus ($3M pro-rated each year)
  Cap hits by year:
  2023- $4,000,000
  2024- $7,000,000
  2025- $10,000,000
• Re-sign Larry Ogunjobi
  — 2 years, $9 million
  $4 million in signing bonus ($2M pro-rated each year)
  Cap hits by year:
  2023- $3,000,000
  2024- $6,000,000
• Re-sign Steven Sims (RFA)
  — 2 year, $2 million
  Cap hits by year:
  Year 1- $1,000,000
  Year 2- $1,000,000
• Re-sign Devin Bush
  — 1 year, $3 million
• Re-sign J.C. Hassenaur
  — 1 year, $800,000

2023 Cap Hit: $11,800,000
Updated Cap Space: $42,825,081

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Greetings and Salutations!

• Tremaine Edmunds (ILB)
  — 5 years, $85 million
  $25 million in signing bonus ($5M pro-rated each year)
  Cap hits by year:
  2023- $7,000,000
  2024- $18,000,000
  2025- $15,000,000
  2026- $24,000,000
  2027- $21,000,000

• Isaac Seumalo (G)
  — 3 years, $30 million
  $12 million in signing bonus ($4M pro-rated each year)
  Cap hits by year:
  2023- $5,000,000
  2024- $10,000,000
  2025- $15,000,000
• Sean Murphy-Bunting (CB)
  — 3 years, $24 million
  $12 million in signing bonus ($4M pro-rated each year)
  Cap hits by year:
  2023- $5,000,000
  2024- $8,000,000
  2025- $11,000,000
• Foster Moreau (TE)
  — 3 years, $21 million
  $9 million in signing bonus ($3M pro-rated each year)
  Cap hits by year:
  Year 1- $6,000,000
  Year 2- $7,000,000
  Year 3- $8,000,000)
• Dalvin Tomlinson (DT)
  — 2 years, $16 million
  $4 million in signing bonus ($2M pro-rated each year)
  Cap hits by year:
  2023- $7,000,000
  2024- $9,000,000
• Josh Dobbs (QB)
  — 2 years, $6 million
  $2 million in signing bonus ($1M pro-rated each year)
  Cap hits by year:
  Year 1- $2,000,000
  Year 2- $4,000,000)
• Chase Winovich (EDGE)
  — 2 years, $2.3 million
  $1 million in signing bonus ($500K pro-rated each year)
  Cap hits by year:
  Year 1- $1,150,000
  Year 2- $1,150,000
• T.Y. Hilton (WR)
  — 1 year, $2.2 million
• David Long, Jr. (CB)
  — 2 years, $2 million
  Cap hits by year:
  Year 1- $1,000,000
  Year 2- $1,000,000
• Jabrill Peppers (S)
  — 1 year, $1.1 million

2023 Cap Hit: $37,450,000
Updated Cap Space: $5,375,081

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Trade

Mitch Trubisky

I love my boy Mitchy Biscuits, but with the starting job no longer his, the $8 million that can be acquired by a release or trade may have more value. In this scenario, Green Bay sees one of the top pass catchers drop out of Round 1, and they send an offer early Friday morning for the 32nd overall pick to secure their guy. After an hour of negotiating, Brian Gutekunst finally agrees to trade 2023 3rd, 4th, and 5th round picks along with a 3rd round pick in 2024, while Green Bay gets pick 32 and Mitch Trubisky. In this whole process, they not only get the pass-catcher they want, but they find a new backup quarterback who could potentially push Jordan Love for the starting job. The return may not seem to pass the eye test, but Green Bay is also taking on Trubisky’s full salary, which gives us an additional $8 million to work with.

Cap Space Created: $8,000,000
Updated Cap Space (after draft-day trade): $13,375,081

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The Draft

Note: These wishes are subject to, and most likely to, change by draft day.

Round 1- Joey Porter, Jr. | CB | Penn State

Watch the tape. He’s more than just a legacy pick.

Round 2- Trenton Simpson | ILB | Clemson

This would be a little bit of a fall for Simpson, but it is not out of the question he slides this far. While there are questions about his lack of instincts and production, he has aced the draft process thus far, both athletically and personally. He has made it a point to improve the rougher parts of his game, and the talent is undeniable. Putting him next to Tremaine Edmunds would be the ideal situation for him.

Round 3a (via GB)- Mazi Smith | NT | Michigan

Smith’s arms measured in longer than expected at the combine, which is a huge win for him. He does not have the production, but he is the most physically gifted defensive lineman in the class. Yes, even more gifted than Jalen Carter.

Round 3b- Blake Freeland | OT | BYU

I am not impressed by Freeland’s body of work up to this point, but he redeemed a poor Senior Bowl performance with a huge combine. As much as I want to replace Dan Moore, the options are limited this year. The next best thing may be to bring in a talented, but raw, tackle who may be able to take the reins in 2024.

Round 4a (via GB)- Clark Phillips III | CB | Utah

Don’t read into his testing numbers too much. The tape is what counts, and his tape was fantastic in 2022. The productive corner has seen his stock drop due to the depth of the class and subpar athletic testing, but he looks the part of an NFL nickel corner. He is a steal if he falls this far.

Round 4b- Bryce Ford-Wheaton | WR | West Virginia

Ford-Wheaton lacks focus at times, which has resulted in the occasional drop. However, his lack of production is entirely due to poor quarterback play. In a solid offense, he would have been a consensus top-50 player in this class. Athletically, he is on Martavis Bryant’s level.

Round 5- Jake Andrews | G/C | Troy

Andrews may not have prototypical length, but he is tough, physical, and consistent. He maintains a consistent pad level as a run blocker, and he rarely makes a mental error. He is going to grind and claw his way not only onto an NFL team, but also to a starting role down the line.

Round 7a- Kyle Patterson | TE | BYU

Patterson is a big-bodied tight end with respectable athleticism and a strong blocking prowess. He would provide more upside than Zach Gentry has offered the Steelers thus far into his career.

Round 7b- Lindsey Scott | QB | Incarnate Word

The Steelers have stated they are looking for mobility at the quarterback position. Scott was not tested against strong competition, but he lit up the FCS, passing for over 4,500 yards, 60 touchdowns, and only 8 interceptions in 2022. He also added 712 yards and 11 touchdowns on the ground.

UDFA: Keaton Mitchell (RB — East Carolina), Reese Taylor (CB — Purdue), Tashawn Manning (OL — Kentucky), Shaka Heyward (ILB — Duke), Jordan Murray (TE — Hawaii), Andre Jones (EDGE — Louisiana), SirVocea Dennis (ILB — Pittsburgh)

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Second-Wave Free Agency

• William Jackson (CB)
  — 1 year, $2 million
  Still a valuable depth corner if healthy.
• Mike Remmers (OT)
  — 1 year, $1,075,000
  A veteran presence who will likely remain on the practice squad until an injury occurs.
• Maurice Hurst (DL)
  — 1 year, $1 million
  A victim of bad circumstances thus far into his career, but a lineman who has proven he can play in this league. Quality depth piece.
• Brett Rypien (QB)
  — 1 year, $1 million
  A fourth camp arm who, with a strong showing, could entice us to keep him on the roster over a late-round rookie.
• Donald Parham (TE)
  — 1 year, $1 million
  A big body who can compete with the rookie for TE3.

2023 Cap Hit: $6,075,000
Updated Cap Space: $7,300,081

Approximately $5,000,000 is needed to sign a typical draft class.

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53-Man Roster

Quarterback (3): Kenny Pickett, Joshua Dobbs, Lindsey Scott
Running back (4): Najee Harris, Jaylen Warren, Master Teague, Connor Heyward
Wide Receiver (6): George Pickens, Diontae Johnson, T.Y. Hilton, Calvin Austin, Steven Sims, Bryce Ford-Wheaton
Tight End (3): Pat Freiermuth, Foster Moreau, Kyle Patterson
Offensive Line (9): Dan Moore, Jr., James Daniels (switch to LG), Mason Cole, Isaac Seumalo, Chukwuma Okorafor, Kevin Dotson, Blake Freeland, J.C. Hassenaur, Jake Andrews
Defensive Line (6): Cameron Heyward, Dalvin Tomlinson, Larry Ogunjobi, Mazi Smith, DeMarvin Leal, Maurice Hurst
Outside Linebackers (5): T.J. Watt, Alex Highsmith, Chase Winovich, Jamir Jones
Inside Linebackers (4): Tremaine Edmunds, Trenton Simpson, Devin Bush, Mark Robinson, SirVocea Dennis
Cornerbacks (6): Sean Murphy-Bunting, Joey Porter, Jr., Levi Wallace, David Long, Jr., William Jackson III, Clark Phillips III
Safety (4): Minkah Fitzpatrick, Terrell Edmunds, Jabrill Peppers, Miles Killebrew
Special Teams (3): Chris Boswell, Pressley Harvin III, Christian Kuntz

Practice Squad (16): WR Anthony Miller, QB Brett Rypien, OT Mike Remmers, RB Anthony McFarland, Jr., TE Donald Parham, OLB Quincy Roche, DL Isaiahh Loudermilk, DL Jonathan Marshall, DB Tre Norwood, DB Elijah Riley, RB Keaton Mitchell, WR Dez Fitzpatrick, C Ryan McCollum, G Tashawn Manning, EDGE Andre Jones, CB Reese Taylor

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There you have it, Steelers fans! Everything you could possibly get out of one offseason to become an immediate contender. What are your thoughts on this fun, fanatical exercise filled with fantasies and fortunes? Which moves did you like the most? Which moves do you think make the most sense? Could any of these come to fruition? Be sure to light up the comment section below with your thoughts on this and all things Pittsburgh Steelers!