As a hardcore Pittsburgh Steelers fan, the problem with fantasy football drafts is that they’re too based in reality. A team from my fantasies would only include members of the black and gold. In fact, I’d want every player to be a legend, icon or Hall of Famer. So I present to you the first annual(?) What Yinz Talkin’ Bout Ultimate All-Time Steelers fantasy draft.
Kyle Chrise, Greg Benevent: “What Yinz Talkin’ Bout” hosts
Dustin Chafin: Stand-up comic whose special “Cranky Pants” is available at Drybarcomedy.com
Chat GPT 3.5: A large language model-based artificial intelligence chatbot
10 Rounds: 5 Offense players and 5 Defense players, from any era, to form an NFL Blitz-style of roster.
DC: Troy Polamalu. This guy is the Picasso or Eddie Van Halen of the Steelers.
GB: Terry Bradshaw. I’d be fascinated to see what he could do in today’s game.
KC: TJ Watt. This guy is on pace to become the greatest Steeler of all-time, greater than Mean Joe, greater than Ben. He can single-handedly change the fate of the game on any play.
GPT: Jerome Bettis. His powerful running style and ability to break tackles make him a valuable asset for my offense. “The Bus” has been a Steelers legend and a consistent performer, making him a solid choice for my team’s running back position.
GPT: Mean Joe Greene. His dominance as a defensive tackle and his role in establishing the Steel Curtain defense make him an invaluable addition to my team’s defensive line. Greene’s ability to disrupt opposing offenses and create pressure will be a key asset for my fantasy squad.
KC: Antonio Brown. I’m taking the risk that he may give up on my fantasy squad at any time.
GB: Rod Woodson. He may be the greatest Steeler I’ve seen in person, and I used to see him at the driving ranch near the Chuck E Cheese in Ross Township.
DC: Lynn Swann. Another Picasso. The guy took ballet just to have better feet. That’s commitment.
DC: Heath Miller. It’s early, but there aren’t many great tight ends to pull from, and he could play in any era.
GB: I don’t have any offensive weapons yet. I’ll take John Stallworth. He’s someone who could also play in any era, and he could be physical with today’s corners.
KC: Ben Roethlisberger. PFF ranks him as the greatest Steeler ever. The dude just wins games in the fourth.
GPT: Jack Lambert. His intensity and leadership as a linebacker, along with his impact on the Steel Curtain defense, make him a cornerstone of my defensive lineup. Lambert’s tenacity and play-making ability will contribute significantly to my team’s defensive success.
GPT: Mel Blount. His exceptional skills as a cornerback and his ability to dominate receivers with his physicality and coverage prowess make him an excellent addition to my defense. Blount’s contributions to the Steel Curtain defense will provide a strong foundation for my secondary.
KC: I’m going with my second linebacker, Jam Ham. Everyone says he could have played in today’s era. Delicious name. Penn Stater. Nuff Said.
GB: I need someone on the defensive line, so I’ll pick LC Greenwood. Growing up and today, he was the guy who everyone thought should be in the Hall of Fame.
DC: I need to create some debate here, so I’m going Willie Parker (before the turf toe). Speed kills, especially if we’re playing “Blitz” rules.
DC: I’m gonna go Minkah Fitzpatrick to complete the ultimate secondary with Troy. You’re not throwing or running against these guys. It would be so fun to watch those two play together.
GB: Franco Harris. The one who started everything. He’s the reason we’re kinda all sitting here.
KC: I need some secondary help. It’s gotta be Donnie Shell. 5 Pro Bowls, 3 All-Pros.
GPT: I select Santonio Holmes. His clutch performances and memorable catches, including the game-winning touchdown in Super Bowl XLIII, make him a valuable asset to my offensive lineup. Holmes’ ability to make big plays in crucial moments will add depth and excitement to my team’s offense.
GPT: I select Casey Hampton for my fantasy team. His dominance as a nose tackle and his ability to anchor the defensive line make him a vital addition to my defense. Hampton’s presence in the middle will help disrupt opposing offenses and create opportunities for my defense to excel.
KC: I’m going Le’Veon Bell. PFF ranks him the 53rd greatest Steeler of all-time, but statistically, he’s Pittsburgh’s 3rd greatest running back.
GB: I’ll take James Harrison. It shows how deep these rosters are that he fell this far. He’s the 18th greatest Steeler on PFF’s list, ahead of Stallworth, AB, Hampton & Greg Lloyd.
DC: It may just be the beard, but I’m going Brett Keisel. He was just fun, a leader who kept that team together. One of my favorites, and he can even play special teams.
DC: This is the guy who’s keeping it together right now. I’m going Cam Heyward. He’s the heart of this team. TJ is the star, but this is Heyward’s team.
GB: Since Dustin took Heyward right in front of me, I’ll take Aaron Smith. Maybe the greatest Steeler of his era.
KC: I’m picking this guy, because I sat a couple tables away from him at Woodson’s Bar & Grille, and I took the straw out of his daiquiri when he left. I’m taking Greg Lloyd.
GPT: I choose Hines Ward. His versatility as a wide receiver, excellent blocking skills, and leadership on and off the field make him a fantastic addition to my offensive lineup. Ward’s ability to make crucial catches and contribute in various aspects of the game will provide a well-rounded boost to my team’s offense.
GPT: I select Ernie Stautner for my fantasy team. His Hall of Fame career as a defensive tackle, along with his impact on the Steelers’ defense, makes him a valuable choice for my team. Stautner’s ability to disrupt the opposing offense and create pressure up the middle will further strengthen my defensive lineup.
KC: I need someone on O-line if I’m going to run with Bell. I’m going with the 9th greatest Steeler, according to PFF, center Dermonti Dawson, who can also play guard if needed.
GB: I will take Alan Faneca, maybe the greatest offensive lineman in Steeler history. We could certainly have a debate there, but he’s in the conversation.
DC: I still need a quarterback, so I’m going with Kenny Pickett. I believe in him that much.
DC: Why aren’t we picking kickers? I like Chris Boswell. There was a season two years ago, where if you wanted points, you had to put him in.
GB: I need one more weapon on offense. I’m gonna do it. Give me Kordell Stewart. Dick Hoak apparently told Kordell that if he would’ve stayed a receiver, he would’ve been a hall of famer.
KC: I’m gonna go with another linebacker, but maybe he can do some run-stopping on the line. I’m picking Levon Kirkland. He can even run with backs in coverage.
GPT: I select Andy Russell for my fantasy team. His consistent performance as a linebacker and his contributions to the Steelers’ defense make him a valuable addition. Russell’s ability to read plays and make impactful tackles will strengthen my team’s defensive presence.
GPT: I choose Bobby Layne for my fantasy team. His legacy as a talented quarterback and his impact on the Steelers’ early success make him a valuable addition to my offensive lineup. Layne’s ability to lead the offense and make key plays will provide depth and experience to my team’s quarterback position.
KC: I need a receiver. I need a possession receiver. For my final pick, I’m going Diontae Johnson over Louis Lipps & Mike Wallace.
GB: For my final pick, I’m not gonna worry about my secondary. I’m going to pick Jason Gildon and get a million sacks. Gildon was the all-time sack leader for a long time. His house was a half mile from mine. If my dog would ever run away, he would probably find it.
DC: Sometimes you just like a player for a moment. I remember seeing Steelers-Giants in 2012, and we were getting harassed the entire game. I was gonna leave early, until Ben hit Mike Wallace for a 50-yard TD. So I’m picking him.
I asked artificial intelligence to evaluate the rosters, and this was its ranking.
1) Greg Benevent a2) Chat GPT 3) Kyle Chrise 4) Dustin Chafin
Who do you think has the best roster?
Who has the best All-Time Steelers fantasy team?
This poll is closed
Kyle Chrise is the host of the podcast What Yinz Talkin’ Bout. Hear the draft in real time on this week’s episode.