An Idiot's Guide to Week 5 in the NFL

Well, 11-5 for Week 4 ain't too bad. That's 30-21 on the season and a good place to be going into the second quarter of the schedule.

We're doing things a little differently from here on. It's not all stupid predictions -- don't worry, it's still stupid. They just won't all be predictions. Stupidity is always guaranteed.

We start with 10 points of interest and then I throw darts to figure out the scores in the rest of the games.

Note: All times Eastern.

Ten Random Thoughts

Steelers @ Chargers (Monday, 8:30 p.m.)

Score: 24-20 Steelers

Let's Get Ready to Bumble!: The Steelers just lost to a bad Baltimore team. The Chargers just squeaked by Cleveland, which has been playing like its typical, dumpster-fire self. The likely result is a very bad Monday Night Football game. The silver lining: Pittsburgh is this bad without its starting quarterback, center and inside linebacker, while San Diego is putting pretty much its best foot forward right now.

Browns @ Ravens (Sunday, 1:00 p.m.)

Score: 20-17 Browns

Just Don't Suck: The win over an injury-plagued Steelers team notwithstanding, the Ravens are an awful team. The winner of this game will be the team that manages to be less awful.

Bears @ Chiefs (Sunday, 1:00 p.m.)

Score: 19-10 Chiefs

Baby Steps: At this point in a season, most teams are trying to string together multiple wins. The Bears are trying to string together multiple plays without doing something stupid.

Saints @ Eagles (Sunday, 1:00 p.m.)

Score: 23-16 Eagles

Just Sayin', Coach: Note to Chip Kelly -- the Saints needed overtime to beat Brandon-Freakin'-Weeden. If you manage to lose to them with a former No. 1 draft pick at quarterback, plus Ryan Matthews, DeMarco Murray and Darren Sproles as your runners, you probably shouldn't show up at the office Monday. Or any day thereafter.

Jaguars @ Buccaneers (Sunday, 1:00 p.m.)

Score: "No One Knows" to "No One Cares"

Stupid Prediction: Thirty-four people outside of the state of Florida tune in for this game -- which is 31 more than are watching from within the state.

Bills @ Titans (Sunday, 1:00 p.m.)

Score: 31-21 Bills

Ripley Would Be Proud: In his two victories this season, Tyrod Taylor has not been intercepted or sacked. In his two losses, he has thrown four interceptions and been sacked a staggering ten times.

Cardinals @ Lions (Sunday, 4:05 p.m.)

Score: 20-14 Cardinals

Is That a Fact?: The Lions are averaging 48 yards on the ground each week. The last time a team averaged fewer than 50 yards rushing per game through the first quarter of a season, a) unicorns still existed outside North Korea; b) the first dinosaur was still just a prototype; and c) the Browns didn't suck. Okay, I lied about the last one.

Patriots @ Cowboys (Sunday, 4:25 p.m.)

Score: 37-20 Patriots

Stupid Prediction: Defying all natural laws, Brandon Weeden finds 13 new ways to not score points in the second half.

Broncos @ Raiders (Sunday, 4:25 p.m.)

Score: 24-21 Raiders

Running With Scissors: The Broncos named Ronnie Hillman and C.J. Anderson co-starters -- because it really matters who starts when you average 78 yards rushing per game.

49ers @ Giants (Sunday, 8:30 p.m.)

Score: 34-16 Giants

Safe at Fifth Base: Don't worry, Eli. This lead is going to be idiot-proof by the 20-minute mark. Yes, even you can hold on for a double-digit win.

All The Rest

Colts @ Texans (Thursday, 8:25 p.m.)

Score: 12-10 Colts

Redskins @ Falcons (Sunday, 1:00 p.m.)

Score: 28-17 Falcons

Seahawks @ Bengals (Sunday, 1:00 p.m.)

Score: 20-17 Bengals

Rams @ Packers (Sunday, 1:00 p.m.)

Score: 34-18 Packers