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Around the NFL: What we learned in Week 2

Week Two is almost in the books -- there are four quarters left to be played as of right now. But we already have a much better grasp of how teams look now than we did just one week ago. So, let's see what new things we've learned.

Cutler's interception game is stronger than ever: now, his picks even come with free injuries!
Cutler's interception game is stronger than ever: now, his picks even come with free injuries!
Dennis Wierzbicki-USA TODAY Sports

Week two was full of surprises. For some teams, they were surprised at how good they could be. For others, we were shocked at how poorly they could perform.

Then there were those of us who were just shocked that the Jaguars, Raiders and Browns each won on the same day. I mean, that happens half as often as dinosaurs go extinct.

The Chiefs will never survive a shootout.

Let's not be fooled by their 1-1 record, or the fact that they only lost to Peyton Manning's Broncos by a single, late, heartbreaking score. Ignore the fact they are averaging 25.5 points per game. The reality is that this is a bad offense. They have now gone 21 consecutive games without a wide receiver catching a touchdown pass. If not for an excellent tight end and Jamaal Charles -- one of the best running backs in the NFL -- this team would easily be 0-2. Last week they had 17 of 27 points off drives covering 13, 22 and 7 yards. Thursday against the Broncos, they had a defensive touchdown. They still have to face the Steelers, Packers, Bengals and Chargers (twice). Their only hope might be to slip a sedative salve into their opponents' jock straps.

The Bears just jumped from one nightmare to another.

On the one hand, your starter is the embodiment of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde -- Jay Cutler can make an amazing throw, and then follow it up with a boneheaded move that should have been coached out in his Pee-Wee Football years. So, he goes down with a hamstring injury and his replacement is...Jimmy Clausen? That's like hiding from Freddy Kruger in Michael Meyers' living room.

Eli Manning should be pulled each week at the end of the third quarter.

If football games were 50 minutes long, Manning would look like a god among men. Get that man some electrolytes at the two-minute warning or something, though, because he goes into Epic Brain Fart mode late in games. Last week it was telling his running back not to score, when doing so would have given them a very late, two-score lead. This week, it was two-fold. First, there was a delay of game penalty on third down, a few plays before Atlanta scored the winning points. Then, with one last shot from midfield and with two timeouts, and a minute on the clock, Manning proceeds to throw two deep incomplete passes on first and second downs, then two more incomplete throws to end the game. They would finish without using either timeout, when they had time to methodically move down the field.

Just in case you can't remember the team's name, the Browns now have it on the legs of their pants.

Yeah, they got a win today. Okay, Johnny Manziel had two nice touchdowns. But let's not jump on the Johnny Football Express just yet. His Week Two Highlight video literally contains every single completion he threw Sunday -- all eight of them. And, just to fill some dead air, there was twelve seconds of celebrating at the end, and also a two-yard scramble in the middle. That's it -- a minute and forty-seven seconds contained literally every single positive play he had all day long, with room for celebrating.

The Ravens are in deep, deep trouble.

Baltimore has started the 2015 season 0-2. The last time that happened was 2005, when they went 6-10. To give you perspective, here are some facts about that 2005 team. 1) The head coach was Brian Billick. 2) Rex Ryan was the defensive coordinator. 3) Terrell Suggs was a defensive end. 4) Deion Sanders was still playing.

For the record, the team that went on to win the Super Bowl the last time the Ravens started this poorly? The Pittsburgh Steelers.

Chip Kelly is terrible at assembling an NFL roster.

He got rid of LeSean McCoy, a shifty runner who works well in the Eagles' style of offense. He replaced him with DeMarco Murray, who is primarily a north-south runner in the mold of Seattle's Marshawn Lynch. He traded Nick Foles, a mediocre quarterback with experience in the system, for Sam Bradford -- a mediocre quarterback with no experience in the system, and who averages about 37 snaps per season before he gets seriously injured.

It has added up to a team that has played less than two quarters of quality football so far in 2015. Yes, it's early. But by the end of week two, your team should at least look like they have seen a playbook.

These are not the same Seahawks.

It is looking more and more like safety Kam Chancellor is the keystone to this team, and Pete Carroll better recognize that before it's too late. The 'Hawks are 0-2 after losing to the Packers on Sunday night. It's really not looking good. And, if there is anyone I would have wanted on my team when facing Aaron Rogers, it would be my All-World safety.

Finally...Antonio Brown really is the best receiver in the world right now.

And that's all I have to say about that.