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Random Thoughts From a Black-and-gold Mind: 'The George Michael Treatment' Edition

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BTSC's maestro of the maligned mind unleashes his Steeler madness onto you

Cincinnati Bengals v Pittsburgh Steelers Photo by Justin K. Aller/Getty Images

With the Steelers at 5-2 and coming off of a very satisfying win against a division foe, my black-and-gold mind has been, to steal a title of a No. 1 PM Dawn song, Set adrift on memory bliss with plenty of opinions on the Steelers.

As always, I pass the ravings onto you. But first a pumpkin patch of apologies goes out to those that took offense to my offerings from last week.

  • Using the phrase "lop her dude's head off" when describing the Friday the 13th movies
  • Farrah Fawcett and The Burning Bed
  • Not knowing that Cincinnati chili does not contain beans
  • Nickleback fan (notice not plural)
  • Jahine Arnold
  • WKRP, for linking it in with that cesspool known as the Queen City
  • Insinuating that Ravens fans are a tad tolerable
  • Draco Malfoy, but not that wang Lord Voldemort

Now I hereby share with yinz and yerz...Random Thoughts From a Black-and-gold Mind

  • I know that Mike Tomlin has sat healthy players for disciplinary reasons in the past, like Eli Rogers last year, but the last truly monumental time it happened was in 2008 for a game with the Giants. Santonio Holmes was found not heeding the 1993 words of Tom Petty (Last Dance With Mary Jane) when weed was found in his vehicle and the Steelers sat No. 10 down. Now, nearly nine years later to the day (Oct 26, 2008), another No. 10 will be healthy in a hoodie on game day. Martavis Bryant, unhappy with his production, called in sick and has spouted off in social media regarding being traded. What was thought to be nipped in the bud a week earlier has caught on like a wildfire out of control. Tomlin's response was to attempt to extinguish it by deactivating the player that finds trouble like a teenager texts "LOL" — all the time. It was a smart move by the coach. If history repeats itself, Ben Roethlisberger will find Bryant in the back of the end zone for a Super Bowl victory in February. We can only hope.
Minnesota Vikings v Pittsburgh Steelers Photo by Justin K. Aller/Getty Images
  • I don't understand why Bryant thinks it's okay to bark about playing time and ask to be traded when the team has stood by him for what amounted to two suspensions and 23 games. That's like being saved from a fire that you started and complaining that you're not trusted to light the campfire for smores by yourself.
  • I loved Deion Sanders' advice to Martavis on NFL Network. "Baby you're the accessory, not the suit" is a perfect assessment. He went on to call Bryant "a tie." At this point, he's a "Where's The Beef" T-shirt from 1984. Deion is actually a good source of advice because he's made his share of mistakes and came out better for it on the other side.
  • Good leadership by Ben Roethlisberger for publicly supporting his young teammate and stating that his teammates could come to him if needed. Bryant needs somebody to step up and give him the George Michael treatment (I'm talking about being a father figure, not bathroom stall sickos).
  • Le'Veon Bell is always looking for side gigs. He could find a second career as a pit boss in Vegas. This guy is "the real deal." Juice is on track for 1,563 yards. Consider this, though. Bell had a slow start due to limited carries in the first three games. We all know why. So if you factor in the stats surge in week's 4-7, he could possibly shatter the team record of Barry Foster (1992) of 1,690 yards with a total of 1,818.
Cincinnati Bengals v Pittsburgh Steelers Photo by Justin K. Aller/Getty Images
  • JuJu Smith-Schuster had his bike stolen. That makes me like the kid even more. Instead of rollin' in a Benz, the rookie is ridin' to win on a Schwinn (or whatever make his bike may be).
  • Antonio Brown gave JuJu the "George Michael treatment". Once again, no porcelain hijinks. (Maybe I need to come up with a better name for mentoring.) AB offered Steelers tickets to whomever would turn in JuJu's wheels. Somebody claimed to have purchased the stolen merch for 200 frog skins, but what really happened? I know you don't usually ask for a receipt when you buy stolen goods, but there's no way the guy shelled out $200 to a complete stranger like a dude with a trench coat lined with watches. Of course, there are more pressing crimes for the PPD to investigate like murder, assault, not to mention impersonating backup quarterbacks in bars to sleep with women. But I'd love to know what happened. AB, let me hold on to the tickets while this one gets figured out.
  • Stephon Tuitt will miss his second game in a row with a back injury. Tyson Alualu is playing well in his absence, but the pass rush isn't as vibrant without No. 91.
  • JuJu reportedly offered his quarterback an entire game check to join in on an end zone celebration. No word if a Big Ben cameo appearance will be in the cards. But it would need to be a blockbuster performance a la David Bowie on Extras or James Garner and Danny Glover in 1994's Maverick. It couldn't be akin to Boy George's 1986 appearance on The A*Team. I pity the fool that actually watched and suffered through that blockbuster event.
  • Speaking of JuJu, it's been an eventful week. Hide and seek on Sunday, concussion protocol on Monday, bike stolen on Tuesday, bike returned and propositioned (sort of) by Mia Khalifa on Wednesday, and his the Pens game on Thursday. Rumor has it he's went to Chuck E. Cheese on Friday.
  • Why did George Michael need to have "sexy time" in public toilets? The album Faith ranks as the 53rd best selling album of all time at 20 million copies. Surely he could have afforded a room at the Red Roof Inn.
  • Chris Boswell ranks tied for fourth with 16 field goals and fifth in scoring with 61 points. The "Wizard of Boz" has been a steady presence on a team that can be as unstable as a three legged table.
  • Rosie Nix is like the late and great Glenn Hughes, the "leather man" of the Village People, a tough guy who has become as an unsung hero. Nix is emerging as the bodyguard of the offense. He neutralized Vontaze Burfict in a manner to which none of us is accustomed.
  • Joe Haden is ranking among the best free-agent signings in team history and it was great to see Joe get his first Steeler pick-off. James Farrior and Jeff Hartings were just as huge. But every time we bring up the best free-agents, everybody wants to be "Correcty Correctorsons" and remind us that we forgot about Donnie Shell, James Harrison, Willie Parker and more. That drives me bonkers. Those guys, just like Ramon Foster and B.J. Finney, were undrafted free-agents. That's not the same thing as signing an existing player in the league. Think about them being in two separate categories and leave me alone.
  • I'd love to see William Gay take one more to the house and grab sole possession of the pick-6 crown in Steeler lore.
Cincinnati Bengals v Pittsburgh Steelers Photo by Joe Sargent/Getty Images
  • BTW, that aforementioned 1991 PM Dawn song sampled what song? You guessed it...Father Figure. Looks like we all have been getting the George Michael treatment.
  • At a medical conference I was attending this week for my real profession, I ran into a fan of BTSC that wanted to take a selfie with me. Thanks Scott! It felt really good, but it made me realize how important the readers of this website are to me. Thank you all for welcoming my weekly idiocy into your world. We are all Steeler Nation together—and you can't top that.

And finally...

  • I wonder what Eric Ravotti is doing these days.

Enjoy the Steelers prime-time game and dissect these poignant thoughts from (who else?) George Michael in the song that inspired me to coin the term, the George Michael Treatment.

I will be your father figure

(Oh baby)

Put your tiny hand in mine

(I'd love to)

I will be your preacher teacher

(Be your daddy)

Anything you have in mind

(It would make me)

I will be your father figure

(Very happy)

I have had enough of crime

(Please let me)

I will be the one who loves you

'Til the end of time

On second thought, that's sort of disturbing, so let's never speak of this again. Take that for what it's worth and Go Steelers!