Random Thoughts From a Black and Gold Mind: Hangover edition

Just like it took me awhile to get over Pizza Hut removing the Personal Pan Supreme from their menu, it’s going to take a long time to heal from my current Steelers’ session of depression.

They lost, there’s next season....blah, blah, blah.

Needless to say, my black-and-gold mind is more congested than the early-bird special at a Florida Denny’s. As always, I pass the ravings on to you.

But first, I feel compelled to apologize for any salt I sprinkled on the slits of your senses last time around. So a frankfurter of fret goes out to several for the following:

• The Martian Chamber of Commerce for denigrating their tourism. But then again, Elton John already blasted the weather and the childcare of the red planet some 45 years before I did.
• Dateless people on Valentines Day. If it makes you feel better, it’s quite overrated.
• Equating Pro Bowl voting to that of the electoral college.
• The whole Todd Haley/Mariah Carey New Year’s Eve linkage.
• The McRib
• Failing to mention Gary Sandy when referencing Andy Travis from WKRP in Cincinnati.
• True Detective Season 2
• Kenyan marathoners that frequent Applebees.
• Not clarifying that Jimmy Orr achieved his 1958 rookie receiving record in two less games than JuJu.

And now, Random Thoughts From a Black-and-Gold Mind.

• On a day of lowlights, John Oates doing the National Anthem was a definite highlight. Oates was an underrated stalwart in the success of the great duo that he formed with Daryl Hall. Jeff Hartman's claim in a text to me that Oates’ presence helped lead to the demise of the Steelers last Sunday will not be forgotten by this particular contributor.

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• The touching and grabbing by Jaguar defensive backs throughout the contest, especially A.J. Bouye, was more egregious than the prom scene from American Pie.
• It’s no wonder Mike Tomlin doesn’t want to fire any of the defensive staff. If he’s indeed calling the defense, he’s the main culprit, and Keith Butler is just a patsy. So all along, it’s not The Usual Suspects. Mike Tomlin is Keyser Soze. The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.
• I hang on to things for awhile that once worked for me. I still have a VHS player, a Cheryl Tiegs poster and a Zach Morris-sized cell mobile phone. I’m typically a Mike Tomlin supporter and apologist, but I’m starting to discount his 116-60 record in my own mind. If he’s losing control of his locker room and making playoff decisions only a pre-teen playing Madden 17 would, I’m not calling for his head, but he needs to reevaluate things and tighten them up considerably. I’ve been getting a Marty Scottenheimer vibe lately.
• It’s time to move on from Mike Mitchell completely. He’s a complete liability on the field with his play—and off of it with his mouth. To quote the immortal words of Captain Tom “Stinger” Jordan to Maverick in Top Gun, “Son, your ego is writing checks your body can’t cash”. Hmmm, Tom Cruise was a defensive back for the Ampipe Bulldogs in 1983’s All The Right Moves. Wonder if he’s available.

Philip G. Pavely-USA TODAY Sports

• Speaking of Mitchell. Not Haiti, not Hell...on his couch playing Madden 17 is the only venue in which he’ll get the opportunity to beat New England until the next autumnal equinox.
• The Todd Haley era is over. My two biggest problems with the former offensive coordinator were his stubbornness and his insistence on getting cute and trying to out-think the other team. That was especially obvious on fourth-down plays.
• Randy Fichtner isn’t exactly the new OC of the Steelers. Essentially, Ben Roethlisberger is. I have no problem with the Fichtner promotion, but now that Ben got what he wanted, his scapegoat is gone.
• I’d like to see Ben take more control in the locker room as well. The way that New England players fear pissing off Tom Brady needs to be replicated in Pittsburgh.
• This next statement is more obvious than the beard on Brett Keisel’s face. Inside Linebacker will most likely be the top priority in the draft.
• I like to think that most of Steelers Nation realizes that Pittsburgh Dad is less funny when the Steelers lose.
• Lost in the quagmire of turmoil following the loss to the Jags last week is the Eli Rogers ACL tear. Eli played admirably last week and his injury will cost him most, if not all, of 2018.
• Mike Munchak is staying. Either Todd Haley’s departure was a factor or they’re dangling something saucy.
• Antonio Brown is like a bank, he’s money even when he’s not open. If anybody deserves a ring on this team, it’s AB.

Philip G. Pavely-USA TODAY Sports

• Despite all of these problems, I think this team can put their fingerprints on the Lombardi next year in Atlanta.

And finally,

• I wonder what Tyronne Stowe is doing these days.

Until next time, let us dilly dilly with the king and breathe in the lyrics of So Close, Yet So Far from the soundtrack of his 1965 MGM film, Harum Scarum...

I reach out for you, but each time I do

I always find you gone

Just, a step away, are we from paradise

Here am I, so close, yet so far from paradise

Take that for what it’s worth, Go Steelers and Don’t Stop Shalievin’.