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The negative consequences of Steelers WR Antonio Brown twerking

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You may assume the negative consequences of Antonio Brown twerking have something to do with poor field-position after a 15-yard penalty. But the real ramifications may not be what you think, and this could explain the league’s sudden drop in ratings this season.

NFL: Kansas City Chiefs at Pittsburgh Steelers Jason Bridge-USA TODAY Sports

By the title of this article, you probably think the negative consequences of Antonio Brown, the Steelers superstar receiver with a penchant for celebrating touchdowns in an excessive fashion, twerking—so far, that’s Brown’s go-to excessive celebration this season—could be less field-position for the defense to defend, due to the ensuing kickoff getting pushed 15 yards back.

That’s a reasonable assumption.

Just imagine the final minute of the AFC Championship game against the Patriots in New England (my self esteem is so low when thinking about Pittsburgh facing the Patriots in the playoffs, even in my fantasies, the game takes place at Gillette Stadium):

Ben Roethlisberger connects with Brown on a 34-yard touchdown pass that puts the Steelers ahead with only 33 seconds remaining. Everyone in Steeler Nation is celebrating wildly, including Brown, who puts an exclamation point on this momentous occasion by performing a nine-thrust twerk (one for every Super Bowl appearance in franchise history). Brown is obviously penalized 15 yards, but nobody seems to care, that is, of course, until Chris Boswell’s subsequent kickoff is fielded at the nine-yard line and returned to the 40.

Suddenly, the mood among Steelers fans turns pensive as Tom Brady now only has to guide his offense about 25 yards to set up a reasonable game-winning field goal (in my clearly damaged fantasy, the Roethlisberger to Brown touchdown only gives the Steelers a two-point lead).

Again, I can see why you would come to that conclusion based on the title.

Or, maybe you think the negative consequence of Brown’s twerking is an uptick in traffic for the Key & Peele Hingle McCringleberry excessive celebration skit (14,958,441 views as of this writing), but that would be a poor assumption, because there’s nothing negative about that video.

No, believe it or not, the negative consequences have nothing to do with field-position or Hingle McCbringleberry.

The negative consequences of Brown twerking have to do with it being sexually suggestive, which is against NFL protocol for touchdown celebrations; and as I found after Brown’s initial four-thrust twerk against the Redskins in Week 1, there may be a reason the league is putting a greater emphasis on stamping out that kind of celebration this season.

The day after the game, I was talking to a friend of mine about Pittsburgh’s 38-16 victory at FedExField, and when Brown’s celebratory twerk came up, she said, “After he did that, I was oversexed.” (And she was serious.)

When you think about it, it’s hard to blame her or any other woman that would be oversexed by Brown’s gyrations; after all, he’s a good-looking guy with a smile that could melt a woman’s heart about as easily as his football moves melt the confidence of corners who try to cover him.

What if Brown creates a bunch of copycat twerking receivers?

Imagine if Eric Decker, the Jets full-time receiver and part-time model, started twerking after every touchdown?

What about Odell Beckham Jr., the Giants star wide-out? He’s a good-looking guy. Sure, he has weird hair, but women seem to love that kind of thing, even if they’re always posting pictures on social media of Cary Grant and wondering what the bleep happened to us contemporary men.

Anyway, Beckham Jr. has a lot of, I guess, provocative moves when he does, well, whatever it is he does after scoring a touchdown.

Moving on.

What if my friend represents the vast-majority of women out there who count themselves as NFL fans?

If all these women are getting oversexed after watching a receiver (or any other football player) dance suggestively, that may explain the league’s sudden drop in ratings this season.

Let’s face it, I don’t care how big of a football fan you are, and I don’t care how intense a game is that you may be watching on TV, no defense is going to keep a suddenly oversexed girlfriend or wife at bay...if you know what I mean.

Just reverse the situation and picture tennis star Maria Sharapova twerking after hitting a backhand to go up 30-love; I know what I’d want to do that very second with my girlfriend, Amy Lawrence (sure, I realize I could have picked Erin Andrews or Jenny Dell as my fantasy sports personality girlfriend, but Amy Lawrence of overnight syndicated CBS radio show fame just does it for me in a nerdy kind of way).

So, there you go. At his weekly press-conference on Tuesday, Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin asked for clarity on the excessive celebration penalty and why his guy seemed to be targeted more than other players around the NFL.

It’s quite simple: the league is trying to keep its viewers tuned in and not turned on.

The future of the NFL may depend on it.