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Super Bowl 50 commercials provide oddly creepy experience

The Super Bowl 50 commercials were both underwhelming and weird.

Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

How bad were the Super Bowl commercials? They weren't terrible, but unlike in previous years, I ended up ignoring them after the first few commercial breaks. Likewise, my son, who only watched the Super Bowl for the commercials (alas! he is not a football fan), was also unimpressed saying, "I thought these would be funnier."

This year, viewers were treated to Willem DaFoe in a dress, a woman giving birth so her baby could partake of Doritos, and the Puppy Monkey Baby. Though mildly entertaining, these commercials were mostly weird. In fact, these three marketing choices made me want to avoid Snickers, Doritos, and Mountain Dew. Who wants to think of Willem DaFoe in a dress, childbirth, and some terrifyingly odd creature (seriously, as long as they are creating a mashup, why not make the puppy the bottom part so it could at least be housebroken within the first few months?)

Advertisements cost an astounding $170,000 per second this year. Even if I saved up for, like, twenty years, I could afford maybe a half of a second. If I did have that kind of budget, though, I would come up with something better than the Skittles Steven Tyler or aliens eating avocados.

Dachsunds donning hot-dog apparel were cute enough (Thank you, Heinz Ketchup). The NFL advertisement featuring Super Bowl babies was awkward at best and a great time to fill up on chips and other snacks. "Mom and dad looked at each other / One thing led to another..." No thanks. I'd prefer not to think about the people of Denver getting their breed-game on. That is a private matter.

Aside from highlighting an unpleasant side effect of opioid painkillers (as if addiction and accidental overdose weren't enough of a deterrent), there was little value in the commercials that raised awareness and provided a solution for opioid-induced constipation. Viewers are watching as they stuff their faces with queso, chips, beer, more beer, more chips, and "why do I keep eating, I'm not even hungry" party food, so a commercial about poop is a bit of a buzz kill.

If you were wise and used the Super Bowl as a bathroom break (there are people who envy you, according to certain advertisers), here are some of the commercials you missed: