I had a crazy dream earlier that the Pittsburgh Steelers won a game on the very last play from scrimmage.
Picture this scenario:
The Steelers are down by three points in the game’s final moments. They are driving for at least the tying score, but man, that Ravens or Dolphins or ‘27 Yankees with a few of the players from my 1984 midget football team sprinkled in defense is pretty stout.
The crowd at Heinz Field or Three Rivers Stadium or Aisle 4 of the New Kensington Giant Eagle is at a fever pitch, trying to cheer the black and gold on to victory.
For some reason, the Steelers are wearing their road uniforms, when quarterback Ben Roethlisberger finds receiver Antonio Brown or Santonio Holmes for a big gain down inside the 15. Flag! Yes, unfortunately, there’s a penalty for excessive celebration thrown after the catch (yep, the receiver is definitely Brown).
With mere seconds left, and with Pittsburgh pushed back to the 20 (apparently, excessive celebration penalties are now only five yards—we’ll never get AB to stop twerking), head coach Mike Tomlin decides to send the field goal unit out to attempt a game-tying 38-yard field goal.
No big deal, as Chris Boswell has become Mr. Automatic since signing with the Steelers early in the 2015 season.
But wait, it’s a fake, as the holder picks up the ball and takes off! And who do we see running down the right sideline with the football? None other than Carol Burnett, dressed in street clothes circa late-’70’s. Not only is Burnett running with the ball, she’s holding it up in the air in a celebratory manner. Can’t blame her for that, since the ‘27 Yankees sold out on a field goal block, and there isn’t anyone within five yards of Burnett.
Burnett crosses the goal line for the winning score, but immediately gets smacked to the turf by a frustrated Jack Lambert, and all hell breaks loose.
Anyway, both sides eventually calm down and head to their locker rooms.
I didn’t have media credentials from BTSC, so my dream didn’t let me inside for the post-game press conference. But judging by some of the reactions to Tomlin’s decision to forego the game-tying field goal and instead run Le’Veon Bell out of the wild cat formation to score the winning touchdown on the last play of regulation against the Chargers two years ago, I’m thinking one of the reporters may have asked:
“Coach, was it the right decision to run Burnett on a fake there?”
Right after I woke up from my dream, I was pretty happy, thinking the Steelers had just won a big game.
However, after I came to my senses, I realized the Steelers never sign big-time free agents—especially ones in their 80’s—and felt slightly deflated.
You know it goes when you finally realize you were just dreaming about something wonderful.
Now how can I go about the rest of my day, knowing Carol Burnett didn’t score a game-winning touchdown for the Steelers on a field goal fake?
Back to reality.